this is more than an introduction..

ive got so many things to say right now....

2009-12-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

the past couple of weeks have been so ...interesting. from religion, to friendships, to lifestyles, to priorities. i dont think i can sum it up at all. just thinking about everything that ive felt is overwhelming to even think about. no no no, dont think its another "emo" entry where im going to say that my life sucks and all that. i know that my life DOES NOT suck, and i appreciate all that i have. i have a lot of learning and growing to do; dont we all ? i need to accept the moment for what it is; and i dont need to ask for more than it can give....at the moment that is. its natural for human beings to want what they think is best, and to be selfish enough to say they want it all. obviously, im one of them. im selfish, and i can say that proudly. but thats something i need to decrease. live in the now, not the past, not the later because now is all you have. everything in this world can be changed and turned around. nothing is permanent. so lets cherish life.

dang for random rant.

i dont have to title everything, do i?

2009-10-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

so wow, its been quite a while since i wrote on this blog; but i mean, i feel like i dont have to keep this blogspot updated. i do have a life you know haha. but anyways, im about to be done with finals and FINALLY sembreak is here. a lot has gone on since my last post, and i cant say that those things havent affected me. ive learned so much just living here, and just trying to fit in. im kind of stuck on some aspects. i cant seem to get my writing consistent, but thats usual. but the greatest thing that i feel im getting out of this experience is not just the fact that im growing up, but the way i FEEL it. i have my priorities straight, and i have my emotions under control. what more can one ask for? well...i can ask for a better position for my family. im sure my family isnt the only one suffering from that recession. but in a selfish sense of mind, i cant ask for anything more. im under control.

a random line came to my head earlier, and i felt like i shouldnt put it to waste. maybe i can add to it as i type haha.

"love is like science with freedom." you know what you can get, and you know the facts. you just need to see it to believe it. you need to feel it to be sure of it.

ahhh id rather keep it simple. haha

LOVE IS LIKE SCIENCE WITH FREEDOM.

new habits.

2009-06-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

i have new responsibilities. old ones too; old ones that i decided to drop for a while that i went back to. thats something im very, VERY happy about doing. what i miss about home is that i have plenty of help, from my parents or my family/friends.

not only is that a part of my decision to move here, thats also a part of growing up. i guess i didnt decide to grow up until now. today, i woke up on my own; meaning that i forgot to set up my alarm. usually, back in california, i dont really have to. id usually get a call from my mom or a good-morning call or text from one of my amazing friends, and that would get me up for the day. too bad the long distance fees and the time difference prevent that from happening now. maybe in a couple of months, when i meet more people, it can happen. but really, nothing replaces the way i wake up back home. and im the kind of guy that LOVES goodmorning texts/greetings.

when it comes to the school perspective of this move, its pretty surprising for my part. for those who went to school with me, or for those who knew me during high school and stuff like that, you'll definitely know what i mean. it might be a little too soon for saying this, but im doing a lot more than i did back then. im prettiest much one of the laziest guys when it comes to academics. i love to hang out, and hanging out doesnt go well with studying. im the kind of guy that goes home at 3am. hahah. but now, im actually an officer for my class. im vice president of my class ! wtheck?! never in my life did i think id hold a position in school like this haha. i have a lot of work ahead of me.

but dont worry ! music is also a part of school for me. i recently joined the glee club. omg, i hate how that sounds. it sounds so......LAME ! but i mean, i really, REALLY miss music. so im trying to keep it alive. :] im also singing for our mass on fridays (my school is a catholic school) and playing guitar ! so im excited for that. i recently recorded a video of myself while i was driving down my area, so ill post that up soon. well, til i write again. and OH! i forgot, i said on my first blog that i was going to describe a friend on each blog. so here it is, my first entry. til i write again. <3

Cathy Nguyen

cathy nguyen - my partner in crime. my everything. cat, i dont have any kind of words to describe how much i care for you. yes, we've had our differences throughout the years, but theres nothing in this world that can take away what i have for you. we lost a little of the touch in the recent past, but we found a way to come back together as strong as ever. i love you more than you really know, and i would definitely be a lesser person if i never had you by my side. im blessed to have met you. from our days to jamming to our shows in front of our beloved fans (i love you guys! :]), i couldnt have asked any more from you. you are an inspiration to me. i cant wait to sing by your side again, partner. "since day one". i love you :]

on the regular, an ordinary day.

2009-06-25T03:01:00.000-07:00

things have been getting better lately. i mean, of course, if i really do think about it (or if i gave myself time to think about it), id think about the negatives like:

*how i miss home (OH SO MUCH ! -_-)
*how i havent had much time as a musician
*comfort zones arent the same (obviously)

the list can go on and on...

but i know im not the only one thats decided to do something like this. so i know that, ultimately, im not alone in this sort of situation. and as time has been doing its work, im not alone. literally. yes, ive made friends, and im starting to really know my way around. when i wake up every morning, im not shocked or surprised to see what i see; to smell what's cooking on the street corners; to feel the humidity from the tropical weather. while in class, random thunderstorms begin. not one girl yells the expected scream. when a roach (GROSS!) or two comes into the classroom, there are no "OMG's" said aloud. its a regular thing. an everyday thing for them here.

today, my religion teacher told us to write our own psalm. and i really didnt know what to write. if you guys know me well enough, when it comes to writing, the first thing that comes to my mind is love. and thats what i wrote about. not that it really matters, just a random thought haha....

as i was saying, the regular things; the everyday things are obviously nothing new to the people surrounding me. and slowly, its becoming an everyday thing for "US" here. im glad im learning about my culture. im learning something i know i cant learn back home. what was once a culture shock is now a regular thing; and what i used to feel uncomfortable with is starting to become my right hand. but of course, it can never replace the feeling of being home. til i write again. <3

take time to realize.

2009-05-24T04:55:00.001-07:00

haha no, not the song... i just realized something. i mean...it is a crazy time for me, adjusting to a new home and all that good stuff. so i wake up one morning, and i decide to go out and just look around from my balcony. i look to the left, and then to the right. and i see this:

i noticed the philippine flag standing out to me; and not only that, but the scenery looked as if it were from a movie my mom would be watching from our living room. i also realized that i took the american flag for granted. oh how id love to see one hanging again. but oh well, soon enough. :]

my journey...

2009-05-22T02:02:00.000-07:00

so i got to philippines at about 11:40 am on may 21st, 2009. heres the blogs i wrote on the way....

May 20th, 2009 3:43 AM Pacific Standard Time

wow. it feels funny that i now have to say pacific standard time. but i want you all to know EXACTLY when i write my entries; or at least, start them. so ive been flying for a total of 2 hours and 14 mins. and im telling you guys now... i am bored out of my mind ! i have nothing to do, now that ive taken care of the scrapbook that was given to me (thanks jackielyn and adrienne! :]), and the couple of letters and cards ive gotten. i bet im going to look through the scrapbook again and just skim through the pics for the next 23423804923809 hours, haha.

today was a defining moment in my life. i left home; home thats been home to me for the past 21 years and 5 months. just thinking about it right now makes me think ...."wow im actually going through with this !" for those of you who has spent the time to get to know me, you all know that i love playing it safe. well, when it comes to life as a whole that is. im the kind of guy that loves the regular goodmorning texts, and the routine hellos from the mailman. i mean, it sounds comfortable and feels comfortable. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS DID I EVER THINK THAT I WAS GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM THAT. but i sure did.

there are a lot of you that have still yet to get an explanation from me; a solid explanation to really put a stamp as to why im putting myself through this struggle. but do i really need to ? growth is the only thing thats constant in this world, and this, my friend, is MY growing pain. heck, just typing this is making me hecka teary-eyed. but no worries.

I HAVE THE GREATEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD. hands down. thank you for all the going away gifts, the lunches, the dinners, the parties, the notes, the pictures, the drives, the laughs, the cries, the love, the support, the comments...EVERYTHING. you are all special. :]

but im going to cut this blog short (wow, im acting like it's short! haha) and explain to you for the next couple of blogs or so what my friends mean to me. throughout each blog will be featured a friend. im doing this due to the fact that i felt that i didnt have enough time to show all of my friends how much they meant to me. time is golden, and gold is rare. dont fret though! i wont miss one person i shouldnt. ill definitely keep you guys updated with everything thats going on with me.

May 20th, 2009 10:07 AM Pacific Standard Time

so after my last blog, i KNOCKED THE HECK OUT. haha. im watching paul blart: mall cop at the moment, and i must say that its lame so far. i hope it gets better. haha. anyways...i was asleep for like ...7 hours ! or maybe less ? ehhh whatevers haha. but im almost in taipei. probably about 4 and a half hours. the time is going by faster than i expected, knowing that i am alone. this is the first time ive traveled alone, btw. and its quite an experience. i dont have my mom or dad beside me to ask questions like ..."can you hold this real quick? how much longer til we get there? how long is the stayover?" haha im so not used to it, but no parents for 10 months ! ...so i gotta get used to it.

before i left california, i already knew the hardest part would be leaving my loved ones and the flight itself. as im looking ahead towards the future, im more optimistic more than doubtful. i know i can handle this. and with all honesty, its my loved ones that helped me through this. im going to be honest, EVERYTHING that you guys said and gave me will keep me going. shoot, ever since i walked into this plane, i felt alone and sad that im not home anymore. but i guess you can say that i have my "little piece of home" with me.and thats how im coping with everything

gosh guys, i cant wait to record videos and show you guys how my lifes gonna be ! im excited for this opportunity, but dang, i miss you guys. -_- till i write again. :]

May 20th, 2009 11:46 AM Pacific Standard Time

so as im watching bride wars (aileen! thats our movie :])i turn to the right due to the brightness of a tv set that catches my attention, and i see the diagram of how far/close i am to my destination. and i am so close to taipei. maybe in a couple of hours imma be there. whats funny is that i dont even know when im supposed to land hahah. i also thought about how i passed through time zones, and i thought about my good friend inna. i love her. :] im about 8-9 hours away from landing in manila. once i get internet. get ready for this. :]

May 20th, 2009 7:35 PM Pacific Standard Time

so i was just thinking about the playoffs, and the cavs/magic game should be under way by now ! i hope that becomes a competitive series. ill root for the cavs. to be the best, we gotta beat the best right ? :] so a couple of hours ago, i landed in taipei and stayed there for about 3 hours. it wasnt too bad, coz there were computers with free internet ! i got to talk to karen, aileen, jagg, reesa, and more people to name. its so nice to hear from my friends ! i feel like its been forever already. dang, i dont even know, its like distance can take times place any day.

OH as i was waiting to board the plane in taipei, one of the attendants asked me if i had a guitar on my back. -_- i mean...it is a guitar case...so DUH ?! hahah but thanks to my guitar, i got to board first. i felt like a VIP, just for a second hahah. im sitting in the very front of the plane, and there are no tv sets on, due to the flight being short. im soon going to start my life in the philippines; and though im very afraid and nervous of what's in store, im also very excited. this is for my parents. i love them with all my heart, and who doesnt love their parents right ? it just sucks that a moment like this shows you how much you havent told them. so please, for me, tell your parents you love them. :] and for my friends ...just like my parents, you guys are my drive to keep me rollin. yall are my influence.

you dont really know...

2009-05-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

...what you have til' its gone. or almost gone in this case. there are so many things that i wish i couldve done. and i probably touched on 20 percent of that these past couple of weeks, or even days. its crazy how your look on life changes when youre about to make some big move. i never realized how important my freedom as an american is, or how much of a privilege it is to drive. there are so many things that i wont be able to do over there, and i hate the fact that i have to start over.

yes, i will hate starting over; but i love the opportunity of finding something new. i mean...who doesnt hate being in an unknown territory? where all you know is yourself? where everything around you is familiar not to you, but to everyone else around you? no one likes being left out of anything, even if you say you dont care. but thats what risks have, disadvantages as well as advantages. this is my version of an adventure. its time to live it up, and fill the 80 percent of what i couldve done to what i WILL do.

-randolph.

LOL.

2009-05-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

randolph: are you sleepy?
inna: no. because somebody got adrenaline rushing through my body and got me excited under my....YOU KNOW.

tuesday, may 12th, 2:31 AM
inna's time: 12:31 AM in hawaii

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH that made me laugh.......

and smile. :]

chyeah.

2009-03-16T01:31:00.000-07:00

"nothing lasts forever.
nothings lost forever.

both lines couldnt be more true. what comes up must come down, the whole shhhhhbang !

nothing lasts forever. ...but nothing can come back over and over and over again. nothing can be a streaky thing you know.

nothings lost forever. ...whether nothings found again by you or by another person or thing, it WILL be found eventually.

when did nothing matter so much? it always did."

^i dont make much sense. but heck, it made me feel better when i wrote that.

experience.

2008-12-01T03:58:00.000-08:00

so i totally had a flashback right now...hahah but its not what imma talk about. i might touch up on it, but who knows ?

so i had an experience today. its not a thing i do on the regular. i had a show in ontario, and it was more of an urban feel; spoken word kind of things. and this girls piece really got to me. she was talking about how a man loves a bitch, and how shes a nice girl and all of that stuff. its crazy how when a person talks about the opposite sex, the blame is totally put on them. well you know what ? it sure as hell isnt gna change in my head. all the blame is on the girl. "if i were a girl...id know what i want...id be decisive...instead of acting like i am." my version of beyonces "if i were a boy" is on point. well in my head at least, and thats all that matters to me. is my opinion. theres nothing wrong with that either. whats funny is that the younger they are, the more they think they know. isnt that weeeeeird ? to be honest, i know what kind of girl i want, but i cant say i know WHO i want. its too damn early in my life. but yeah, another unorganized thought. later. hahah

assumptions.

2008-11-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

dont assume. youll make an ass out of you and me. theres are 2 kinds of assumptions. assuming in your mind, and assuming and making it public. you cant control whats in your heart and mind, but you can control making it public. so dont assume ? i dont know about you, but i think its pretty inevitable. we all live with hope, but that leaves room for doubt as well. its crazy how assuming can lead you to a fantasy world, and can make you think about very bold possibilites. it may not be this way for you, but i LOVE to think ahead; to think about how happy ill be, and to think about what ill have and what i wont have...the question is, will what i wont have bother me ? coz it sure as hell is now. i think thats something i have to cope with, and maybe ill get over that through time. crazy thing is, once you think you got it down, it all changes on you; literally, in a split second. but the trickier part is that things around you change as you change as well. and its like a master lock. you keep turning and turning, and eventually, the 2 clicks will meet and youll be able to open it. its all a matter of patience, i guess. patience is virtue, but patience isnt easy. ive come to realize that assuming is dreaming, and dreaming is wishing, and do wishes come true ? just be patient and let the wish work it out. its worth it, its worth it, its worth it...

another day, another dollar.

2008-11-13T20:13:00.000-08:00

yeaaaaaah. thats what it is. another day, another dollar. another day, another opportunity. basically with every new day comes new thoughts and new feelings. and we, as individuals, have the ability to create our own thoughts and feelings. not basically from scrap, but from all we have already. and its sure not easy to make things great when youre down. coz thats when you have to try and make things better. but thats the number one word that sticks out: try. all you have to do is TRY to establish good thoughts and feelings, and itll come. even though we all have our days where we want to just break down and cry, we can sure prevent it whenever it comes by. shoot, thats how i handle it. hahah. dont get me wrong. im no genius, and im no perfect man that never feels negative emotions. coz i do. its how i handle it that separates me. wow. i lost my thoughts JUST RIGHT NOW. hahah ill continue this later. bye.

see-saw.

2008-11-12T02:01:00.000-08:00

whats the first thing that comes into your mind when you speak that word ? i think up and down, which is pretty obvious. the beauty of a see-saw is that you cant be on it alone. you have to have someone on the other side. being alone on a see-saw defeats the purpose of it, no ? ha, unless you like to keep staring at an empty seat in front of you.

im pretty much one of the moodiest people alive. i could have a great start to a great day, only to have it altered by some jerk who cuts me off. haha, im sure im not alone on that one, and im sure im not the moodiest person out there. same thing applies to company. for some reason, i have this weird swing. i wouldnt necessarily call it moody, but its pretty much along those lines...fine, its moody. hahah. but i love being around people; people that make me laugh and smile, so i can return the favor. but there are times where i want to be alone and just isolated. sounds emo, but im sure that you all understand that we all need space every here and there. but what gets me questioning...is the timing of the wanted space. im no genius or anything, but am i the only one who notices that bad timing is everything ? its all a matter of being on the good side of bad timing. when we want to be alone...thats easy. dont answer calls, texts, or however you communicate. but when we dont want to be alone, it gets trickier. and whats crazy is that wanting to be alone can alter your chances of having company in future when you dont want to be alone. how weird. ok im ranting hahah. but just put it this way:

im on a see-saw with my friend. of course, one goes up, one goes down at the same time. simple, but fun ! im bored of it, and tired. so i get off. but my friend still wants to keep going. im not in the mood. and he's sitting there, waiting for me, while i do my thing. i come back and my friends gone. how naive of me to think he'd be waiting for me at the same spot. now im in the same position he was in. wow. should i go or should i stay ? ill go. we wont always be at the same spot at the same time, but the seesaw will always be there waiting.

same stories, different times.

2008-11-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

thats basically the line that really defines my life. and im pretty sure that most of you all (whoevers reading this - which i bet isnt too many hahah.) can relate to that. whats funny is that it doesnt really bum me out that i end at the same note every time, it just makes me hungrier to actually finish a story. but whatever.

ive constantly asked myself questions. questions that i cant answer myself; that only another person can. "why does it always end this way?" "what am i supposed to do?" "why am i not good enough?" can you blame me for asking these kind of questions when i am constantly overlooked ? when i do my absolute best to be righteous and real, only to be pushed away ? its a hard feeling to cope with, especially when others around me just think about themselves and they get what they want. i think to myself, "hey maybe its just me. maybe i have to change." but im not going to change and be a follower. i cant step away from the way i care so much, and the way i feel. i dont play games. im straight to the point, and youll always get the answer from me. its always a yes or no, not an i dont know. clarity and honesty are a big part of who i am. and im pretty much the realest a person can be. all i ask is for the same in return. screw showing signs, screw having to figure it out. just SHOW ME. if theres not positive answer in a question you want answered...whats your natural reaction ? giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. thought so. in the shortest way possible...this is the thought thats running through my mind:

"leave no room for hope or doubt; only truth and fact."

first blog.

2008-11-05T01:06:00.000-08:00

well. how do i start ? theres not much for me to say at the moment, but at the same time there is. im usually the kind of person that says, "why the heck am i going to type out how i feel online for everyone to read?" i mean...its like an invasion of privacy with me approving it. hahahah weird i know. but its all good. ive sort of come to my senses, in a way, and decided that ill share with the world whats in my weird head. hahah. it makes me feel like im not alone. and that there are people that can relate to me; even through the toughest times. i hope i get my thoughts down properly every time i type on here, so i can look back and review on what ive thought about; just for a reminder. :]

so how should i start ?

oh yeah. theres been this line thats been in my head for the past couple of days. i heard it after i worked out. im the usual, who has the headphones on while at the gym, but i dont always listen to aggressive music. imagine working out listening to boyz ii men ? HAHAH its weird but it gets me, so whatevers. but yeah, i was listening to a song by anthony hamilton...i forget the title. but im not really paying attention to what hes saying...until he sings out these words: "intelligence is beautiful." for some reason ...it got to me. i thought about what i look for in a girl, and everything about that kind of stuff. and im thinking to myself..."am i looking for the right things ?" in my opinion, i AM. without a shout of a doubt. coz im that kind of guy that looks for what makes sense; even though love doesnt have to make sense to work. its not like school, or work. when you work hard, you get what you deserve. not when it comes to love, etc. ive come to realize that love is about bad timing, and its just a matter of time when youre on the good side of it.

^i thought about all of that because of 3 simple words ?! oh well. im glad i think things through before taking action. hahahaha ok im ranting now. enough for now. love you guys.

P.S.: heres my latest song, called "44 minutes":

its crazy when youre inspired. things come so easily. goodnight/morning. :]

add and support ! :]

www.myspace.com/randolphpermejo
www.youtube.com/user/randolphpermejo